" About Slavery " a copy righted manuscript; copyright 1994, 2000, 2001, 2005   D.Vyne...  and hosted on sinpages.com Please - Do not reprint, repost, or otherwise duplicate these files in full, or in part without express written authorization of the copyright holder, to do so is to risk criminal persecution and contempt of the community at large.  If you replicate without consent, the rest of your site is trash - Safe - Sane - Consensual - Fun - Between adults - keep it healthy


 In approaching a top there are a few things to keep in your mind. R. O. D.  Being Respect, Obedience and Discipline are important. L. I. P. S.  Being Listening, Intelligence, Perfectionism and Servitude, these are also important things to keep in mind.  To most tops your experience is not nearly as important as your ability to follow orders, a willingness to learn, reliability, clarity, communication, obedience, politeness, intelligence, hedonistic tendencies, patience, an ability and desire to follow orders, and an education (other than smut), in the field.  I wouldn't think that being genuine is something that needs to be said, but past experience has shown me it that it does ... So, be genuine people.  That means don't tell people what it is you think they want to hear, tell them the truth.  You may just be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
  I understand that constructive, educational literature, video, and audio are not easy to find.  But if you do desire to learn and practice submission you WILL find the tools to educate yourself, you have after all found this domain and the wisdom and people here - Don't give up so easily.
  Your attitude should encompass humility, respect, a desire to serve, creativity, adoration, and clarity.  Basically you should be behaving like a person with a military background addressing their priest.

  As far as the correct terminology goes (particularly when first meeting and wanting to show someone respect and politeness), MISTRESS is a term of familiarity and should only be used when you have been accepted as slave.  Or in the case of it being part of the top's title or name i.e.: Mistress of the Night.  If you are unsure as to a correct title you might consider the use of: "Ma'am, Priestess, Goddess, Domina, Empress, Milady, Oh Queen, Your Wickedness" or any other title that shows your correctly subservient posture.  In the case of a male you might use "Your Grace, Milord, Sir, etc."  As for the correctness in using My Goddess, this may be scorned upon.  The reason for this is to be referring to something as "my" denotes ownership of that item, or person.   As a slave cannot own anything, let alone their Dominant - One might want to be cautious of this error.
  In your search for a person of like desires I would suggest looking in the local rags and farther-reaching publications.  Fetish magazines, and other adult publications are obvious choices, the problem however in this method is there never seems to be anyone in the desired area - Or - They are only pro-Dom.  To get into the more local, smaller publications (if there are any) would be the wiser, economical option.  Ask around at adult stores and anywhere else selling these types of magazines, you may even luck out in some of the adult stores where they allow people to post a recipe size card with your info on a board, and facilitate meetings.  Some places have them, some don't.  This also opens the option of locating individuals that meet on a regular basis, perhaps a club or even just a few "kindred spirits."  Talk it up with anyone who seems to even remotely have an interest.  Become the pervert hanging around the local adult stores.  Remember though not every couple is there as a couple, some come in as slaves and dominants, watch for the clues if you happen to be in.  If they head for the massage oils and lace panties, forget it, unless they ask for them in his size of course.  If however they head for the black shiny stuff, the heels, and the implements, you can be assured you have a live one in sight.  They may be able to hook you up and get you into your local scene.  The more people you talk to, the better your odds of success.

  Watch for those subtle clues like a handcuff key on the key ring, a fob in a rainbow pattern, a pin that has the D/s flag on it (yes we have a flag, look into it), jewelry which says more than “sparkle,” footwear can be a clue if for instance the Woman is in your office and always wearing open shoes it may suggest an awareness of the foot fetish, feel it out.  This does not intone that you might walk up and make a lewd or otherwise inappropriate comment, it is suggesting however you might walk up and say something more akin to, “I’ve been noticing your lovely toes, and wondered if there was anyway I might be able to appreciate them closer.” 
  Pay attention to personality types, and the less than subtle hints that this individual is a more controlling person than might be normally, socially acceptable.  Watch for the leather pants and tops, the leather dresses and the general look of “bitch,” not just in attire, but also in the cast of the eyes, the tilt of the jaw, the bearing of the spine.  Be aware of the times when another is being humiliated and degraded in public, and start thinking of appropriate comments and methods of approach.

  You might consider seeking out like-minded people on the Internet, or on the chat channels in particular.  You can do searches, look for Bulletin Board Services (BBS) as well as newsgroups (usually alt.fetish, alt.bondage etc) Finally you might consider investing in a membership on the local tele-personal computer dating system.
  Clubs or social groups like the Betty Page Social Club lean towards a bunch of people getting all dressed up together, with nothing to do but stand around looking cute.  And others like the National Leather Association can be involved in many different aspects of the scene, even working in an effort to promote safe, sane, consensual, fun ... Play.   I would strongly recommend that you look up their information and perspectives on the subject as well as check their calendars out.  This is a large group with operating clubs in many cities.  Usually there will also be smaller "fringe" groups in your area.  If you look for these things you will find them.  The trick is asking in the right places.   Often those working in the adult novelty stores, adult video stores, and any other of these types of places can help.
  The tele-personals phone dating systems can be a large waste of time and money, or they can work well for you.  The trick is in knowing what it is that is important to you, asking for it, and sticking by it.
  On the net you might consider doing some net searches under bdsm, bondage, domination, mistress, leather, or any of your particular fetish types. Or you could get onto the IRC (internet real time chat), on any of the channels there, which cater to adult entertainment.  Such as femdom, bdsm, ledungeon, thecastle, Gor, submission, domination, spanking, collarme and many others.

  We are human too, and although perhaps you have waited a long time to speak with or meet someone ... Sitting there in shock, repeating yourself, staring, does nothing to impress most Dominants.  And, first meeting or not ... Making a fool of yourself is still making a fool of yourself.
  Most Dominants do have a pretty wide caring, understanding and forgiving streak.   As a new prospect or recruit I would not however, suggest pushing that to see just how forgiving.  Patience tends to be fairly hard come by, and especially at the outset, as you have not earned any ... Most Dominants believe (and rightly so) that if permitted the bottom will no doubt try to get away with anything, and everything.   This may give them cause to be even stricter than they would otherwise be, particularly at the outset.

  The over-eager beaver gets nothing in the end ... So you think you're new and investigating ... Don't know any better and going to go out, try all the Tops you can find ... And hey once you "Have a better feel," then you will make your choice ... Or perhaps ... You decide that as no one will collar you, you should just go and serve every Top who will command you, and at least that way you get told what to do ... Think again.
  No one wants to or has any pride in; owning a slave that follows and obeys just about anyone anytime.  A Dominant wants to feel special and worshipped.  They want to own something worthwhile, coveted and desired.  They don't want a slave who is interchangeable, nor do they want to feel THEY as the dominant are an accessory to change at will, or because someone else walked in.  Make them feel special and desirable, compliment and flatter, be romantic, sweet and thoughtful, and let them know you really do honour and care about them.  Just like you as a slave want to feel.
  A submissive slut is neither a pleasure to own nor command, and unless such is their designated duty (at play parties and such), will find after a short time the game wears thin.

  Also pertinent and wise to keep in mind, is that this is a society and group, which is not like that of the outside world.  In this community chivalry and manners matter far more than they tend to in the vanilla world, because in this world trust is paramount.  So - nice guys don't finish last in our world, here nice guys make it to the finish line period, the rest of them spend the time sitting in a corner crying the blues or in chat rooms talking to no one.  While you are behaving so sweetly, and well mannered, remembering to bring gifts, speak highly, always remaining positive and upbeat - Don't forget the importance of not just claiming to put the Dominant first, but to follow through and do this.
  Those who make appointments and fail to keep them should not anticipate being given another shot at such an opportunity, unless they called and spoke with the person expecting them and let them know of the dilemma before such a time as they were already late.  Those who make a claim of being willing to assist, who know of an area of need and rather than stepping in to fill the need, wait to be asked, will find they are not asked to do anything but find a door.  We are not beggars, when a bottom is in ear shot of such a sentence as have the words in it "I need, I'm looking for, I have to find, I want ..."  take those as requests.  Where there might be cause for uncertainty - Ask.  Do not tell a Dominant you will, can, or should be able to do something you may not actually be able to accomplish - for any reason.  It is vitally important that you always follow through.  It matters not whether you were asked to compile research, do an assignment, meet for dinner, get tickets for a party, arrange something financially or bring cat food.  All of these items are one each as important as the other, and any one of them can get you hung just as easily as the next.  If you remember as you hit the door, knock, explain, and immediately turn around and go fix your error, do not leave it waiting.
  Whether male or female, top or bottom - Whether looking for guidance or approaching another to give it we all have to follow and live by the same series of protocols and appropriate behaviours.  We do not touch the body of another without permission, we do not hit another without permission, we do not force ourselves upon another, and we do not judge what might be right or appropriate for another, only for ourselves.  We do not withhold respect from another for any reason, as everyone within the community is here as much as the next person, and risking as much as the next.  This is the most primary parts of the moral code of the leather community, and it applies to everyone within the community and at all levels of the community.  No one is exempt, nor should they be. 
  Go to the events and parties, work on practicing the appropriate behaviour, presentation of yourself, manners.  Watch what the Tops are doing, and stop being hormonal.  Yes some of the Tops will be doing displays, but don’t omit the Others for lack of a free display.  Remember and realize this is all very good practice, and excellent ground work for the time when you are in contact with someone who you do want to spend time with ... Know they will speak with others, and those others will have nothing negative to say about you, after all they've seen you at a number of parties and you are always exceptionally well behaved.

  So ... Look in the right places.  Be sure to be in appropriate attire, so if you are submissive a little more flesh is acceptable than if You are there as a Dominant.  Be sure to have researched your interests in an educational manner, and are able to discuss things with intelligence as opposed to hormone.   Remember to use titles and keep in mind R.espect O.bedience D.iscipline & L.istening I.ntelligence P.erfectionism S.ervitude.  (Keep your lips on the rod, and hope it ends up on your behind.)    While never forgetting of course that patience is a virtue, and to use the time alone without that guidance of a Dominant, wisely.  Practice and refine abilities.   I knew one slave who was taking classes in cuisine, and massage, so that when he did find his Dominant he would be able to please Her in a few extra ways, fully and properly.  These types of things show self-motivation, drive, servitude and preparedness.  What do you think your Dominant will want to see in you?  And how are you going to show it?   Well now go do it!

  And I hear a resounding scream of "HOW?!"
  So - let's assume you have the verbal, and attitude part of things under control, you don't have to remember to use titles and terms of respect, you are aware of your position and don't need be continually reminded of it.  All in all you figure you're ready, you have a couple of leads for or from parties or events, or maybe even a professional.  What now?
  Now you get to make sure you are ready to say hello, to answer questions, to be intimidated, to be pity tripped, to be ignored ... It's not going to be an easy time, but if you think you truly are ready then here's some notions to try, and remember romance never dies, everyone likes to feel desired, special and worthy of the attention.  So here are some more creative suggestions to get you thinking and started. 

  Send flowers - on a certain day weekly for a number of weeks consecutively - and then show up to deliver them in person one day, kneeling, head bowed.  If you went the extra step of actually finding a heart to pin on your sleeve it would be a very sweet extra touch, and one, which offers that at some point you might unpin it, and offer it to Her, or She might undertake to unpin it, and hold it Herself.
  At a play party, ask the Top if you might be able to get them a beverage, offer them your back to sit upon, or your shoulders to ride (careful though, if you are too gentle about it They may think you are a designated server of the event, too much and you're overbearing and demanding, or worse case scenario they think you are stalking them at every event.)
  Place a tribute ad in the local newspaper, the kink rag, or other such local newsletter, make sure they have a subscription if by no other way than to buy them one yourself.
  Simply walk up, and introduce yourself.
  Hire a limo for them to take to the event - Using the # on their ad have the limo company call and make the final arrangements (you deal with the payment and initial reservation) - Meet the limo at the event, with a gift and flowers in hand ... you on your knees, and your leash held out.  Expect to be ignored - Follow but not closer than 10 ft away ... Continuing with the wonderful manners until you are noticed.  Each event, repeat your show of devotion ... In time your patience should be rewarded, don't blow it when those eyes finally look your way.  Conversely you may find the message is received and welcomed immediately, remember you are not a beau, or a lover - you are a prospective slave and maintain your bearing as you did before being thusly gratified.
  Send a single ticket for a local non-scene event, with a single rose and a note requesting Her company, and to RSVP at the following phone number.  When you meet, make sure to be well groomed, well manicured and appropriately dressed for the event, whether symphony, sports event or rock concert.  Make sure to open the car door, the house door, and the door to the bathroom for Her.  If you have a limited budget let Her know what you have available to play with cash wise for the evening, mention it only once, and let Her decide what She wants to do.
  Host a dinner, large or small in their honour.  Invite scene friendly folk who you also met via the various events, and at some point in the dinner make a short speech revealing your emotions and hope of future enslavement by this person.  Where at all possible cook and serve the meal yourself, or possibly with other submissives, when eating however remember to do so kneeling at the feet of the Dominant.  This is their small party, let them enjoy the company of the other Dominants, the same people you've watched try to talk at the events, without much success.  * If you don't know where people live - You will have to watch your desired Owner for a time in order to do this one anyway, so why not use the event itself to give the invitations to those you want to attend - Do NOT invite your own friends, invite their friends.  Be attentive, listen and learn, watch which music they respond to at the parties and play this at your dinner for instance.  And remember there is no reason this event cannot be repeated monthly, or otherwise as desired.
  Host a play party in their honour.  This may require the rental of someone else's space, especially if you don't have the equipment or space, yourself.  This is another theme on the above idea, feel free to have a trophy made, present gifts as desired, have special honorary dances for/with them, give gift certificates, rent another slave for the evening to be physically tortured while you serve the guests and maintain the feeling of grace and honour amongst them.  There is no going overboard on either the dinner, or the play party, you want people to go away from this wishing they had a prospect half as interested, devoted and creative as you, and unless you mess the entire thing up - You should see really positive results.
  Get Her a spa package, do it in a gift certificate, place it into a card and present it to Her at the next opportunity, without a word, just kneel, and extend the hand.  Let Her take it from there, if She does not - again - continue to pursue the attempted giving without frustration, anger, or a change of heart, She doesn't know what you're up to, you're just some weirdo trying to get Her to accept an envelope after all.  Do not write a name on the certificate if at all possible - Allow them to decide what to do with it.  Repeat at each monthly event, as able, as generously as able.  Feel free to slip your number, and a more personal note in the envelope after the third repeat of this method.
  If you spot Her grocery shopping alone, drop your buggy and simply start pushing Hers for Her, carry the bags, behave as though you were Her slave already, and then offer your number without a word other than a thanks for being permitted to be of use and service.

  If you find your Owner online and are seeking to be clear about your desires;
  Write daily, and more than a single line or paragraph.
  Make sure to send thoughtful gifts and show you are thinking of Them.
  If they are working on something assist as you are able.
  Ask about a visit, or a trip.
  Seek out and read all of their available online material.

  Whether you find a partner in a conventional leather situation, or happen across something in a more vanilla world, those ideals of LIPS, and ROD will remain integral to your success or failure in your approach and handling of your contact with the Top.  Be respectful, obedient and show some self discipline, the reward you might receive for the small discomfort could be the highlight of your month.


" About Slavery " a copy righted manuscript; copyright 1994, 2000, 2001, 2005   D.Vyne...  and hosted on sinpages.com Please - Do not reprint, repost, or otherwise duplicate these files in full, or in part without express written authorization of the copyright holder, to do so is to risk criminal persecution and contempt of the community at large.  If you replicate without consent, the rest of your site is trash - Safe - Sane - Consensual - Fun - Between adults - keep it healthy


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