" About Slavery " a copy righted manuscript; copyright 1994, 2000, 2001, 2005 D.Vyne; hosted on sinpages.com ... Please - Do not reprint, repost, or otherwise duplicate these files in full, or in part without express written authorization of the copyright holder, to do so is to risk criminal persecution and contempt of the community at large. If you replicate without consent, the rest of your site is trash - Safe - Sane - Consensual - Fun - Between adults - keep it healthy
BE BETTER THAN OTHERS AT
AND THEN PROVE IT
You have two aspects which to choose from when doing this. They are PHYSICAL AND MENTAL. You can always intertwine the two as well.
knowing body and responses (touch areas)
- desirable and non-desirable pain levels
- physical turn-ons or stimuli
ASPECTS OF MENTAL:
knowing brain and responses (thought process)
- mental stimuli of input
- understanding how to perceive desires
HOW TO GO ABOUT PROVING IT
You have a couple of choices in regards to this subject. When I say prove it, this is as important to proving it to yourself as it is to prove it to your underlings. In proving that you are either different or better at doing something than your "competition" you are able to be more confident in your ability as well as knowing that you are providing something that the others either can not or won't. So in working towards and accomplishing this goal You are not only working to improve Your technique with the bottoms, but far more importantly You are raising Your Own comfort, and ability levels. There are ways and methods of accomplishing this task, which will not only raise the slave’s awareness and desire to serve You, while embedding loyalty and devotion. It would be wisest however to assure that the other participating individuals are aware of what precisely it is You are up to. Quite often You will find that if You are clear and communicative with the Others, They are more than happy to assist You as would be appropriate.
send slave out to investigate for themselves and for you
make slave read about others thoughts or sessions
take them to public functions and show them
put them under someone else's hands, without supervision
send them to professionals
use the slave with a co-Top or another Dominant
demand they do some research for You and collect the “information”
bottom someone else yourself
KNOW BODY AND RESPONSES:
You can take various massage courses. Learn about acupuncture, and the nervous system through that means, various forms of martial arts for instance until You are taught pressure points and numerous forms of contact, You might opt to take some medical classes, or perhaps You would rather make progress through simply sexually exploring. The bottom line on this one ultimately is that You are to learn the different types of touch as well as the most sensitive touch areas. In some places a tickle may do it. In others perhaps a rubbing type motion may have better success. You may find scratching in just a certain spot elicits immediate and definite reactions ... Or a soft breath ... In another location increases it. Even on a hand, if for instance you are doing hand spanking there is more possibility than merely the palm, explore and find all the possible sensations.
We'll get into this one more in another chapter. The idea being that everyone is capable of turning pain to pleasure, therefore You are attempting to discover where those lines are drawn in regards to this particular individual. Every person is different in this regard, but most (with some training) become able to increase that zone of pleasure/pain enjoyment. The increase is generally attributed to Your comprehension of what will stimulate the body You are working on both mentally, and physically and being able to utilize the two aspects together, winding them into desire. If You do not understand what D/s is about You will never have any success with this, and if You fail to succeed in this realm You are relegated to forever living out someone else’s ideas, stories and dreams.
The most commonly seen
method of doing this is to build the sexual stimulation while increasing the
pain stimulation. Squeeze a little harder; add some weight, a few clothespins,
or some ice perhaps, pinch, poke, don’t be afraid to be causing that pain, but
do it only in proportion to the stimulation.
This is the beginning of the transformation and testing of thresholds. It’s also the cheapest, cheesiest and most typical method to use. It’s easy, it’s old and it’s way too common. Creatively if You put Your brain in gear and spend some time actually thinking about this I’m sure You can find other methods which provide far less irrefutable declaration of direction (not so obvious to the other party involved as to what You are up to and doing)
Some bottoms find they cannot be sexually stimulated without some degree of pain, or physical restraint accompanying the stimulation, even to the extent of inability to achieve release without it. Others find that they can endure the pain separately from the pleasure stimulation, but that the two together almost overpowers them. For some of the bottoms they adore the bondage, but have no interest in sexual stimulation. Others still simply lose all form of sensuality at the first inkling of pain.
Mixing the two together however (usually) gives you a much higher threshold in playing and more forgiving and lenience in those "small errors."
PHYSICAL TURN ONS:
This stimulus varies from the setting and clothing to the type of flogger you are using, and the force behind it, to the tone of your voice, the lighting and the mood.
In the case of every kinkster, or fetishist some of these levers were already put in place for You. Conversely however there will be some desires and fetishes which do not currently exist in Your partner which You may desire to create. For instance there is the possibility that You are already aware that Your play partner may enjoy the look of stiletto heels, or boots on You. Hence making the jump to having them enjoy worshipping Your shoes, with Your feet in them wouldn't be so difficult, and the transition to enjoying worshipping Your feet proper even less troublesome. You must first pinpoint the stimulant, how to use it, then move on to creating a new variable... and You've got it.
Touch isn't always necessary, words aren’t always helpful; when we walk down the street and become aroused no one is touching, or talking to us. It might be that we've focused on certain body parts today, or have spotted one very luscious person. It might be that we know we are being watched, the way the clothing is moving across nipples, the feel of sweaty fabric binding around your thighs or the way our own body is moving.
It can be any number of things; it need not be immediately physical. But it does create a physical reaction.
So to for instance find a
partner who has an adversity to bondage but loves being touched. Lay Your
partner out, bind and blindfold them and leave them to think upon the
predicament, and returning only while on the phone to idly stroke a shoulder, or
gently rub breasts, or tickle, or otherwise stimulate kindly … So they know you
are not fully focused on them, the body below You is more of an amusement than a
focus. Allow them to find their own comfort and security, it is simply up to
You to provide assurance and interest enough to cause the situation to be
If You were to continue for days or weeks in this manner, You would find that in short order the subject in question desires and hopes for the bondage, the blindfold, the phone calls, and Your caress, Your scratching, Your tickling, Your pinching … Now simply increase the sensations and stimuli until You are fully up to speed for Your comfort level of play.
Every person thinks differently, thus making this one of the hardest aspects to master. It is however the most fundamental as well. Once you manage to get the patterns of the person, and their desires figured out it becomes far more simplified. At that point You are then able to knot in those subtle variations, which in turn will create new desire for stimuli. Sometimes this is successfully accomplished through "teasing" them with it, sometimes through refusing Your consent to allowing their participation in it (even occasionally), and sometimes through having them watch as someone else does what they will not.
Creating the new focus can be simple or complex, depending on how deeply You as the dominant want this desire to become entrenched. Figuring out how to control it once it is in place ... Is up to You. Please do remember though that everyone tends to go insane with new "toys" or ideas, or things they've come across. So don't be all exasperated when the slave is now all over Your feet all the time, or sniffing the shoes in Your closet when You're not looking, or sucking Your worn stocking clean. It's all part of the fun ...
Here we intertwine physical, and mental insofar as the setting and mood. The clothing, scents etc. are all physical, however what they are thinking in a "Princess Room" will differ from the thoughts they have in the "Dungeon," or a back alley. This would also encompass the verbal portion of the scene that you are creating; the thoughts, which in your dialogue you are stimulating. Try to hold in mind here that a "Princess Room" doesn't necessarily mean a Princess scene.
What do you want your slave thinking and focusing on within the scene? How will you go about getting them focused upon that?
Do you have willing suspension of belief with your counterpart? This too is absolutely vital for the success of the scene.
Willing suspension of belief
is like role-play ... Only at a much more involved level. It is willingly
suspending the reality of the situation ... And truly believing you are the poor
captive caught walking through the forest ... Or that this is actually a mad
Sorceress who likes to sexually torture and use her plaything before ridding
herself of it, and turning the plaything into a dog to go and sit in the
It is not just pretending ... But believing it, "Getting your head around it."
Anyone can put on a little outfit or costume and “play along,” however in the willing suspension of belief realm the goal is not to pretend or play at being the Commander & the Captive, but rather to get into the mindset so much as to be knowing and believing it as truth, as current, as real. If Your captive looks at You mid scene and says, “Oh don’t forget that doctor’s appointment You have to make for tomorrow Ma’am …“ You should be aware, You’ve lost the scene somewhere, the willing suspension of belief got lost – regroup and go again, or barrel right through the comment as if You don’t’ speak the language. Do not become exasperated and end the scene, or You will have taught Your bottom how to get out of a scene without using a safe word, and without giving themselves grief. I would also not recommend walking away from the slave as this gives the same basic message as completely ending the scene. It says you win. The slave is not the one to be winning – You are, but it doesn’t happen without effort, knowledge. creativity, thought, and time. Put all of that in, and make sure to be using Your heart for something other than a blood pump, and You should have lots of success. Granted perhaps not at the level and speed You’d like to be seeing it, but it’ll be there before long.
This involves not only perceiving the desire, and seeing or understanding it. But how You may take that and pervert it to fit into the game/scene. You must discover how to turn a simple desire into an erotic starburst. These things may not always be told to You in a verbal fashion, You must learn to decipher the casual glance, the look in the eyes, to listen attentively for the telltale verbal shakiness. You must learn to be able to tell whether these things pertain to a desire or a fear, and that responsibility rests solely with You.
Let the bottom know that their turn-ons are acceptable. Help them to notice them, and accept this within themselves. Quite often we ourselves know what turns us on, but aren't entirely comfortable with it (within) ourselves either and, that added encouragement and acceptance ... Makes lots of difference. If it is accepted then it is comfortable to trust. And the bottom will have to find, have and know this level of comfort in order to be able to discuss things with You at every stage of the game, and every emotion as it surfaces.
How we perceive our own
desire is reflected in our portrayal of those needs to each other, and that’s
not always a warm and fuzzy place. Our self confidence and mannerisms, and
ultimately having those desires fulfilled, resides only in our own perceptions
of our needs.
Having the courage and the comfort to know you can trust that Other Person with not just your body, if you reveal this; but more importantly, your mind, your reputation, your entire world rests in how this is received and responded to, and what that Other Person decides to do with the information they are providing You. Reputations are created for a reason, and allow Me to assure You this is not a good one to have, don’t do it – Our community advocates the tolerance and acceptance of numerous kinks and desires for this very reason. Lives are in Your hands, and the moment that such revelations are made You become the hinge pin on the series of reactions after this.
I have watched slaves who have because of this very concern outright lied to their Top about what they did or did not like, enjoy, desire. As much concern as You have of a bottom destroying Your life and reputation, so do they have of You due to unscrupulous members of our current ranks. In time hopefully we can all work together to extricate these people from our midst, but I digress.
The approach You take in having the bottom capitulate will ultimately rest in accordance with the point You are attempting to make. If the person believes You to be uncreative or desires further games, then having them read to seek out and learn new things which appeal to them, may work best. You are also free to inform them that should they have any suggestions, You are available to hear them. If by contrast they find you to be too cruel or not cruel enough, You may opt for putting them under someone else's hands. Be that the other individual is found in a professional, a public function, or a friend. You might suggest that they find an implement or two for You that is more to their liking, or that they'd appreciate. They may change their mind, having tried the other dominant and decide that they do desire more pain infliction ... from You, and will go find some toys.
important for You to prove to both Yourself and Your partner that You are
capable. First and foremost to increase Your confidence levels, second to
improve Your repertoire, and thirdly because it empowers and vindicates You.
You must be 100% confident in Your abilities. If you are not - it will lead to
a semi awareness of the situation, and the cues You are being given.
If you, as the top are not confident in Your abilities and handling of the moment, You will spend the entire session wondering if You should do something different, if they're happy and if they can tell that you're unsure of Yourself. You will miss the signals that Your playmate will be sending You, creating a feeling of Your being unconcerned. This creates the spaces in your stream of mental powers that can lead to a dissolving of interest. Basically You won't mentally be there, and shortly they won't be either.
If as the bottom you are lacking confidence in your Top, you will spend the entire session wondering if there's anyone better, and worrying about what this Person is thinking about. The scary part is when you start to wonder when this inattentiveness is going to do you some serious harm, and preparing yourself. If the bottom is not confident as a bottom (to this person), they will be halfhearted and appear to be somewhat unconcerned. Underachieving?
believe that dominating someone is not the kind of thing that a person should
get into, prior to them having an excellent knowledge of numerous facets of
these things. This is because of the unwitting damage that can be done. As a
responsible person you must be prepared for any number of physical or mental
bumps, and blockades. Common Mistake: oh it's simple - it's going to go like
this. Wrong answer. These things never quite happen as you expect them to.
For instance the person arrives, You were looking to try out some new bondage. Then after a whole twenty minutes of her being on her knees, she's lost all circulation. At this point one must concede that perhaps bondage may not be wise. (Circulation should have been discussed in health issues.)
Deciding what You want to do and where You want to go and having a notion of those types of things is wonderful. But don't go overboard on the planning, most of the time at least at the outset, there is little cause to be so strategized at the outset.
that people will tell You, as someone with no experience that equipment isn't
important. So I would like to address that. First it does and can make a huge
For instance at the outset of the scene you attempt to put their collar on but the buckle falls off. The scene is going great and then the restraints fall apart or the flogger ends up in two pieces.
Initially You are likely to feel like a fool, then at some point You will realize that the bottom feels as though it was them who won. Spend the extra on the equipment; it will be worth it in the long run. In the case of suspension gear and restraints, depending on the scene it could be the difference between life and death.
People wouldn't own 20 suede floggers if there wasn't a difference in them. The weight of the hide used, the width, and number of the "falls" or "tails" ... The way it's been finished, and even the handles can all make a big difference in how the flogger feels.
Paddles and straps are made from various things as well, leather, rubber, wood, plastic. Whatever substance one can conjure. Heck I even have a fur paddle ... Again all of them have a different sensation and particular area of interest.
There are ways and things to do to make nice toys meaner ... Making a mean toy
nice however is technique and ability, and would require more of Me than simply
giving you a few tips.
But to give the implements a little extra bite You can braid things together, and sew beads and buttons and things onto the ends of the falls. With some floggers like the ones made from horsehair You can soak them down to give them more weight and bite. Wetting the skin of the recipient can also work and for this a spray (mist) bottle is wonderful). It all depends on what You want to do and how.
The flesh also becomes quite warm after a flogging or paddling. If Your playmate has a bruising concern ice on the area immediately after play will help with that to some extent as well, as will warm towels, rubbing and any other means of increasing circulation to the area so that the extra blood will be carried away. And this again becomes an art form, and a required ability, as it factors well into Your mental portfolio.
If the beating felt major, but the marking is so minor, the slave in question will start to wonder what else they are misperceiving.
Cold is a sensation after flogging that is easy to attain, it comes in many forms and means and works wonderfully for reactions. As well as gently scratching over the sensitized flesh does. Keep in mind however if You spank and scratch together Your odds of marks go through the roof, the same with scratch and pinch, or pinch and spank – Like I keep saying play with the various sensations and don’t be afraid to start stacking them. However should Your playmate start to become overly jumpy, highly overly sensitized, and otherwise “losing it,” this is when You need to back off a little. It’s not about Your ability at this point, it’s about their brain. The next thing the toy will do if You do fail to back off is to cry – And at this point if you do not stop Your fun and instead become very gentle, loving and supportive, from there they will start to turn inwards and will finish out either Zoned out – or Freaked out. Either way, You will have erred.
In the meantime however ... On Your way to acquiring those varied floggers and paddles and restraints. A good pair of wrist cuffs (not hand cuffs), Your brain and few other household objects, can take you a fair distance.
Everyone starts these things
somewhere. And just because You’re doing it now consciously, but have done it
subconsciously prior to now does not mean that You should be confident. You
have a base to begin from though. You have an idea about what You've been
doing. So now just do it and know they know (to some degree) what You're up
to, and that You too are exploring ... Relax and enjoy it. Giggling and
laughing at the bottom is not a problem; it's covered in the humiliation clause,
so don't worry about it.
The more You do it the better and more confident You'll get.
If You would rather wear blue suede as opposed to black leather, Your only option may be to have it made. But as You put your personality into these things they do become a little easier and more satisfying. So for You it may be worth it, if it means the difference between feeling silly and being confident in how You look ... And therefore carry Yourself.
Try to hold in mind that there is a body, a mindset, an experience level and a desirable attitude out there for everyone. So leave behind the crybaby "But I'm not this, and don't look like that," routine. You will find people who match attitudes, thoughts and needs with You. If you are "big" there is just that much more of You to worship. Surgery scars, prove understanding of both pain and the delicacy of life. They should be worn with pride. Never believe You are not sexy. Beauty is in the mind, the soul, the strength ... Not just the body. So …
As You develop a style,
technique and look of Your own you must also focus to some extent on the mental
side as well. In doing this You will be far more confident and thus things will
progress far better.
By the mental side I mean understanding capitulation, and how much is being given to You, what they want and need You to do with what it is they are giving to You. Some will hope You cherish their submission and keep it close, others will desire to be ignored, abandoned and taken for granted, and all that ground between is full of the variables. Communicate clearly and read between the lines, most bottoms are not very good at telling You directly, what it is that is inspiring them. Written assignments may be the trick in such cases.
But these are not questions that I can give You answers to. You have to understand your bottoms enough to be able to understand that and do that. Because if You can't do that for them. You'll lose them. The reasons the bottoms will give You for wandering, can range from You don't understand me to I don't feel like I can talk to You, to I've lost interest and there are other things more pressing.
But the root of the problem was that You didn't understand what it was they were giving You and/or what they wanted or hoped for You to do with it.
That was because You didn't take the time to understand the headspace of this slave. What it is they want to be able to provide to You, and what they need for You to return to them.
I might suggest bottoming Yourself, because this has proven, to provide people with a few things. One is the first hand knowledge of how to and how not to discipline someone. Then there is also the appreciation that You develop in regards to what exactly You are asking this person to do, and therefore what is required of both sides in order for them to be able to successfully do that.
You will discover for
Yourself the extreme frustration of repeatedly playing "little games" that You
cannot win, and You will know the response You Yourself have when you hit the
wall known as “can’t win.” You will also then know if these are the sorts of
games and thoughts You desire Your Own bottoms to bare. Thus perhaps you will
find more than one game Yourself. You will grasp some notion as to the length
of time for which playing those self same designed to lose games become first
fun, then tedious, and finally stupid. When you have discovered that for
yourself you will then also be able to end that game before it gets to the point
of severe aggravation, or the quitting of Your own bottoms. As You are acutely
aware that a bottom has no fun when participating in this type of activity, and
as the top You need not irritate the situation by looking for excuses to
discipline them. They will provide you with more than enough on their own, Your
job is to find them. Not invent them, so pay attention and learn from One
with experience how.
At the same time bottoming someone else within the scene has it's own set of risks and concerns such as being known as a bottom, and not being accepted or respected as a Top in Your Own right. The rules to assist in avoiding such misconceptions are: Never bottom publicly, never say that you are their slave you may however say you are their pupil. Keep your lessons very brief and professional in carriage and mannerism, do not get sexually involved. Behave as You desire the slaves would behave for You, do not be a brat or a wise mouth. They will find cause enough to discipline You without Your need to add any.
Really and in truth I find that most bottoms have a great appreciation for those people out there who are able to, in their actions and reactions find cause enough to discipline them, without having to invent excuses. This is one of the keys to gaining the respect and admiration of the bottoms.
Bottoms admire those strong enough to carry out their disciplining of their slaves, as was agreed upon. They will push You and they will test You. And they will anger, should You fail to wrest control and dominate them at the times when their behaviour dictates they need it most. This does not mean You should walk around with a cane in Your hand at all times, but a cuff upside the head, a randomly timed “get in the corner, you know what you did!” a spontaneous bout of laughter and round of applause, all are appropriate ways of saying “not cool, and I’m watching.”
Many slaves have an almost
pack mentality or aggression when it comes to Dominants. They pick the Tops
apart and look for cause, and times to assert their own dominance. And then
become irate when they succeed, after all You’d said You would remain in
control, so now You have lied and placed Yourself in the position of forever
being questioned, doubted and pushed by this same bottom You thought You were
being patient and understanding with.
There will be times when they need to succeed in their own dominance and there will be times when You need to dominate (not domineer) them. Figure out which times are what and You have it nailed.
Of course the flip side to discipline being that they are here to please You. So if it would please You (or humble the bottom) to on occasion discipline them without justification ... Then feel free to be amused and pleased. This is what We call positive reinforcement.
A final caution: Sending
Your bottom to another top can do some really strange things. If You know the
bottom well and the top is not unknown to You, then you should have some idea as
to how this is going to work out. If on the other hand You just got the bottom,
and You want to keep them, it might be smarter to keep them home for a little
Other tops can also be very catty.
So if You tell Your bottom
to go and speak to other tops in an effort to get to know You and be able to
appreciate Your practices a little better, be forewarned. If in the course of
their discussions Your name comes up and the other dominant does become catty
there are a few possible explanations as to why. They may have genuine reasons,
or cause for concern, You may or may not understand fully what is being relayed
however, and so speaking with the other dominant personally might be advisable.
Another is that You are actually better than them, somehow or with something and
they have cause for concern in losing slaves to You ... Now or in the future.
Another is that You actually do stink, and finally there is the very remote
possibility that they may even have decided that they want this bottom for
themselves. Either to aggravate the other top (You) ... or for the slave in
actuality, although such situations are often claimed, the saving grace in most
of these situations however, is that the bottom in question will not be held by
the thieving top in question for any length of time.
If You are seeking, or would be more comfortable with those who are inexperienced (a neophyte) then be honest about that. They do not have any training You need undo, they do not have bad brain patterns in place, and best of all You are not being compared to Lady so-and-so all the time. They are less likely to have negative experiences that you have to get past, and tend to be more loyal. It's like the first love all over again. Treat it like such. On the other hand, it’s a lot more work and involvement than a long term slave who has recently been freed.
There are some people out there who do like, and even look for both. It is not a drawback or problem for most tops, You will have to explore and see for Yourself what You are most comfortable with, which ones help You to learn the most, and where You feel most appreciated and desired.
There are many different levels of play, and depths of submission, and You will not go to the same levels every time, in every scene. This is something else You will have to learn to accept and work with and around. But, don't let it frustrate You. Those different places and areas are the beauty within the bounds of a D/s based relationship, and the reason We as dominants have the bodies, hearts, and minds of our bottoms placed in our hands. Because they don't want to go to the same places all the time, and feel the same things. They want those variations and slight uncertainties. They want You to lead them there and bring them back ... safely, and to enjoy it ... fully.
Being better than others
provides you confidence which promotes your emotional and mental stability and
control, no matter if you are a Top or a bottom it is important to a successful
journey through the leather world that you have that confidence, and ability.
The bottoms who skip this step become whiners, forever solo and never understanding why.
The Tops who forego this step never gain slaves, and are always calling others players, and posers in an effort to hide their Own inadequacies.
Put up or shut up - and prove it to yourself!
"" About Slavery " a copy righted manuscript; copyright 1994, 2000, 2001, 2005 D.Vyne; hosted on sinpages.com ... Please - Do not reprint, repost, or otherwise duplicate these files in full, or in part without express written authorization of the copyright holder, to do so is to risk criminal persecution and contempt of the community at large. If you replicate without consent, the rest of your site is trash - Safe - Sane - Consensual - Fun - Between adults - keep it healthy.
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