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HUMAN PSYCHO-SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, & DEVELOPMENT.
In this chapter I would like to address the mental aspects of our sexual sides, as current societal and psychological standings would have us all of the belief that this does not develop in human beings until some mysterious spontaneous point (ideally) near the age of twenty. We will look at the suggestion that the current stance of refusal to admit to the development of the psycho-sexual entity at the same rate of progression of the self-realized id is the hinge-pin which is missing from accepted societal equations and theories. As Sigmund Freud proposed the reality of intertwining and inter-developing psycho-sexual and conscious personality so too would I put forth to you that we can no longer afford to neglect the rising cost of human under-development, and encourage the retardation of the psycho-sexual side of human behaviour and development. Simply put, it suits no one and is rapidly becoming a societal detriment.
The sexual nature of humanity is complex, and only made more confusing when we consider in the multi-faceted human psyche, alight, alive and ever changing. Although this seductive morsel of our development is a normal and very needed part of our differing psychological natures, it remains an often overlooked or omitted spoke, in the gears that make us work. If you are one of those who develops early, differently, or alternatively then you are acutely aware of the mainstream community who would rather claim us as simply “DEVIANT.”
begin anew and break this down to a more
layman style approach, the psycho-sexual side in each of us has its own versions
of acceptable fantasy, and reality. Which is to say; that what we may consider
to be a great fantasy we may not necessarily want to act out in real life, and
vice versa. Therefore when we explore our individual versions of acceptable
fantasy and/or reality we find that the acceptable situations or desires, are
prone to variance not only from person to person, but will also vacillate
within the bounds of that individuals' sexual mood or state of stimulation,
within the contexts of current acceptable social standards, and within the
limits of their practicing or immediate relationship, surroundings and those
Again; If mom walks in on a teenage boy fantasizing and masturbating to a simple magazine, his reaction will be different than if his brother walks in on this, or if his girlfriend walks in. In 1950’s his reactions would differ from today. And his reaction to someone opening the door would be very different if he wasn’t thus distracted, if he is 13, if he is 19, or if he is 25. Hence all of these things play a role in behaviour, response, action and thought pattern as well as development of the psycho-sexual personality; likes, aversion, curiosities and desires.
Admittedly some people become "sexually" aware, exploratory and interested much sooner than others. This primary facet of indication of progress regarding human mental maturity has been known to begin consciously developing in many individuals as young as four, and six, which they will attest to as adults. In this capacity, all those who I have spoken with who have expressed or admitted such an early interest have admitted to at that age having practiced-self exploratory techniques and methods, as most were acutely aware that they were not quite the same as the other kids around them. The flip side of the coin, (of course) are the individuals who don't attain a clarity on their sexual desires until much later in life, who don’t develop any interest or desire, and are seemingly A-sexual for an extended point often until their mid to late twenties.
Both are currently considered normal.
We all remember at some point in
our lives that we sexually "woke up" and came aware of our own desires, and
tendencies and the appropriateness in regards to accepted societal, familial,
and other associated “norms.” Personally for Me, I was 14 and watching videos
with a bunch of kids from school, someone who had previously rented the movie
had spliced in a ten second clip involving genitals, clothes pegs, and a few
other visions. I had to leave the room to masturbate, while the others present
claimed they wanted to vomit. By this point I was acutely aware I was not
“wired the same” as My classmates, this was simply the proof. Everything before
that I could write off as people’s weird reactions to what they’d caught Me
doing, this one though we were all in the same place at the same time when it
happened, and I was the only one willing to admit arousal. I was also the only
one to be ostracized immediately from the group.
And so, we may have come to some very definite and solid beliefs or knowledge of ourselves quite suddenly, (even inexplicably in most early development instances). For other people the emergence of the psycho-sexual side was less defined, or encouraged.
The question however, becomes ... If we are to accept the desires, attitudes, and views of a five or six year old as a natural cognitive development - How then can we honestly say, that the evolutionary retardation of the psycho-sexual personality is normal, when found in a person of twenty two years or older?
Conversely, if the child is
encouraged not to explore that which they desire but do not understand
the ramifications of, how is it that we still encourage the adult to explore
that which they do not desire to, do not understand the ramifications of, and
are not prepared to manage either? A stagnated psycho-sexual evolution should
be recognized as a precursor to other maladies and regressive, anti-social
behaviours, not encouraged and praised as miss-labeled restraint. Such restraint
when a soul is sexually deviant in this regard is not to be commended, but
discouraged as the soul is never alive, never energized, and never able to know
the connectivity of acceptance.
I believe we can all accept that there is a developmental "window" for most aspects of human nature. The issue is not the window itself, but the open ended-ness that we have come to accept, to the point of expectation in our currently dysfunctional society, which is focused on personal gain and material fulfillment. The evidence of this malaise is evident throughout all of human behaviour and development of appropriate social interactions but particularly in the area of that continually over looked and under rated psycho-sexual development and decisive maturity.
If it is to be considered normal for a "child" to be (at the least) forming opinions of their own sexual nature, desires, and inclinations, how can we as a society not expect that same person to have arrived at some conclusions by their teens if not definitively acting upon these desires by their twenties. At the youngest end of the spectrum they will decidedly not be ready to undertake such an act in real life, but they have been giving the subject much thought through to the time when it does finally occur. When it does happen later in their lives, they will already have formed some decisions regarding the act itself, the surrounding circumstances, attitudes, genders, etc.
For someone as an adult to claim
that they have no idea as to their sexual desires, or needs strikes Me as not
only strange, but excessively irresponsible. To be either unwilling, or unable
to discuss our wants, thoughts, desires, needs and hopes of an intimately
personal and sexual nature, becomes choosing to delete a large and integral part
of our own personality.
Perhaps this can be attributed to a society which would rather its inhabitants life in denial as opposed to being fully enabled and awakened. We have acceptance issues and we like to push those issues onto each other in the name of morality and judgement.
Each of us as a cognitive human being has our own ideas about what we consider acceptable, appropriate or even "correctly managed" sexual behaviors. Conversely we carry our attitudes on the subject of incorrect, unacceptable and inappropriate behaviors as well.
Your set of sexual morals,
and societies set of sexual morals, how far apart are they? Does anyone really know
the truth of this? How can we until such a time as we are actually comfortable
exploring and looking at this realm.
Each of us bases the bulk of their thoughts or opinions on their own findings. Be that by thought or deed, by experience, literature, or transmitted attitudes through family, culture, religion, media and the like.
The "human nature" portion of the equation comes into play when we stop to consider the fact that we all know people who are quite happy doing jobs that we ourselves may think of as completely inappropriate. Perhaps even working for people we would readily confess to finding unacceptable as associates.
Or we might have siblings who are married to people we might find rude, or incorrect to our personal likes and stances, yet they find themselves quite happy together.
It is not our place, nor duty in
any capacity whatsoever; to decide for others what would make them happy, nor
dictate they change to suit us. Nor should it ever be perceived to be, because
truth be known they can not and will not change for you, anyway; they may opt to
hide the behaviour from you but they will not change it, they can not. Their
development is as complete as it will become and it has ended in catastrophe.
There are many opinions as to how and why this happens, however as everyone is
so concerned about being politically correct this is psycho-sexual patterning at
it’s deepest and worst, and quite blatantly being overlooked and avoided. If we
push it away and refuse to see or acknowledge it, it becomes an external thing,
something of someone else’s creation, responsibility, and issue. Not our Own.
And so we can talk about us, and them. The good guys and bad guys, the educated and the neophytes.
The issue is to investigate this problem honestly and realistically is to open up the bag of whoop cat. No one gets it, no one looks at it, and everyone is afraid of what they will find.
Except we have to look at it, we have to take this on, and we have to begin to disseminate what causes one person to dream of it, one person to do it, and another to be repulsed by it, and no we will never be entirely in agreement as to the source or the cause, how can we be when we each see the problems differently, each from our own standpoint and perspective?
And so, the same can be said of
our singular sexual natures. We are separate, unique and individual people -
each carrying their own table of appropriate etiquette's, and behaviours.
Regardless of what goes on in each of our bedrooms, we all have a show to put on
Whether that means you pretend that sexually you're wilder than is really true, or feel that you must seem tamer than is true. One way or the other, we must all strive to maintain that socially accepted norm, maintain the reputation, keep up the shock factor, remain demure. Whichever way you play it, you still play.
Even in the manner of plain, and simple adult conversation we are more willing to accept or discuss any other topic than sex, sexuality, or the repercussion thereof with most individuals.
With our partners most of us will still refrain from discussing the biggest issue in the relationship; Sex and our hopes, expectations, needs, desires, kinks and perversions within our marital sexual state. We avoid the issue, trying to deny ourselves that which comes to us as a base nature; many because they erroneously believe they can control it and thus hide it from their mate.
They quickly learn that
sexuality is not something to be hidden or squelched, nor can it be. Sexuality
is not something to be upset about hearing or considering, or contemplating, and
why would it be. A thought, a word, a sensation is hardly reason to argue.
Some people, however have been known to react in a manner described as disgust
almost to the point of hostility, if the subject of alternative adult sexuality
is broached within their ear shot. The even more conservative of the lot will
still in our modern society freak out over the simplest of conversations.
And for those of you who believe yourself to be sexually liberated (in at least this area), would you find it so easy to discuss the intimate details of your sex life with your parents? Or even be willing to listen to theirs should they need to get something off of their mind, or find out your opinion on a sexual matter?
What about extended family, work mates, or the other people who you usually confide in?
Here again, most of us tend to hide behind the acceptable social norms, of our particular culture, and learned behaviors. Not admitting to our closest friends or quite often ourselves some of the truth behind what REALLY makes us tick, nor desiring to – After all we have privacy and professionalism to maintain. Or is that; “After all no one else in the office could possibly have the same desires, or understand mine.”
Conversely, however there was a
point at which a Woman did not to ask for the first date regardless of how badly
they wanted it - until such time as society proclaimed this act inoffensive.
Suddenly it became anybody's ball game and the field opened right up, even the
terminally shy guys could get a date now. Then it was a curse, an oddity, an
aberration. Now it is seen as acceptable, encouraged and a good thing. In the
meantime, everyone watched with repulsion those few Women who were courageous
enough to endure the inappropriate labeling.
And so society evolved and grew one more step, and our collective psycho-sexual evolvement expanded to accept this newly embraced behaviour, this proclivity, this need for Women to be allowed say and choice in their Own futures and families.
We deserve as much right, as much say and as much intent of direction in the expansion, awareness and education as any other societal group, and yet because of the mainstream psychologists need to demonize the interest; and the communities own need to make like everything is wonderful the mislabeling and failure to sociologically take responsibility, and work in an effort to comprehend what needs be understood, rectify what needs be fixed, and leave well enough alone will never be approached, let alone undertaken and accomplished. We shall simply be left to our own devices and deviances and known as “outcast.”
And so, the same can be said
about the few individuals who initially, came forth in a campaign to educate
society about same sex relationships of either gender.
Yet we, as a society still have problems accepting the "behaviours of such people," publicly. We retain the archaic notion this is a learned behaviour, capable of being "fixed," and alleviated in the “afflicted.”
The interesting twist in this
debate is the finding that, by far the most common fantasy, (for either gender)
is the multiple partners fantasy. Now, I would like to point out here that with
only two genetic genders to choose from ... Anything with more than two partners
gets into same sex activity, it simply has to.
Apparently the studies which delved into and around same sex interest and involvements have returned with their findings as well. According to recent polls multiple sex involvement has crossed the unacceptable boundaries and been found in the realm of ... “Oh, But that's okay.”
Because you don't live with all
of the people involved in your sex life?
Because you don't participate with the other person of the same gender, you just watch?
Is it because no one knows, or perhaps you've never even discussed it with your mate?
Whatever the basis of the relationship, this type of same sex involvement (multiple partners) tends to be more widely accepted, and desirous than flat out homosexuality of either gender; two men or women on a casual basis to cater to your sexual needs.
Why would we socially have a problem with it?
Why is it considered to be so morally wrong?
Many people would like to find
love, care and physical human companionship, but do not want the responsibility
of an ongoing relationship, or the binds. Some fear the commitment. Some
remain uncertain as to gender preference. Some are uncertain as to orientation
(vanilla, BDSM, etc).
So should one person be pondering but remain unable to decide am I into this and that or not - Am I a top or a bottom - Do I prefer to play with women, or men? And the couple with one mate being dominant and the other a switch who is willing to do more than their mate ... Deciding they should like to try things their partner is unsure of, with a different partner.
Should these people meet, here is an opportunity for both parties to find some peace in their search.
I'm sure that if people became
freed to discuss their sexual side more freely, that not only would many people
who believe their desires are so weird discover that many things most people
claim to be "unheard of," are actually fairly common. But that we would come
to accept more as legitimate, healthy behaviours, and in that acceptance, many
people would find stimulating new roads on the search for their partner.
Or perhaps those involved might simply be able to relax and be happy in their chosen lifestyle, as they should be able to do.
We all know and realize that we
are becoming sexually active at younger ages*.
And the widely held belief regarding only ever having sex with one person has
become somewhat outdated.
Personally, I think that's progress.
We don't live in the same house, drive the same car, or work at the same job for our entire lives. There is nothing do we have, do, or "keep," nearly so long as our spouse. So if the differences we create in our lives outside of our sexual lives are fine and normal ... Why impose the sociologically accepted norm of one partner, in the missionary position, candlelight and bubble baths - FOR LIFE - upon those who are not interested. **
This is not to say that the candle light and bubble bath scenario has problems in, and of itself. Just that for most members of the human race variety is the spice of life.
That variety can be found in any number of places, the act itself, the location, the mood, the partner/s, the clothing. The key to finding the right elements in your experiments with those forms of variety, is mutual communication, and developing a healthy match in your psycho-sexual realm.
When we feel unable to freely discuss our sexual workings with our partners we come away feeling unfulfilled, used, un-cared for. In short we are generally left with blasé to negative feelings about the endeavor. Those self-created emotional twist ties in our sex lives begin to transform and transcend into other parts of our life.
They can result in a feeling of
need that creates a desire to find another lover. However, the individual will
generally continue with the same uncommunicative pattern, and fall back into a
self-perpetuating state of need. Repeating the scenario countless times until
they can open themselves to someone, they find a partner who just stumbles upon
it, or they die.
Others live in a self-imposed sexual hostage situation by virtue of lack of communication. Still more live in denial of their true desires and urges - Their sexual wants and needs. One partner wants ... But the other partner would much rather ... So they may try it one way, or the other, heck they may even work the two together. Sometimes this scenario can work out well, but more often it turns out that in the end neither one is fulfilled.
Generally the mismatched desires couple is happy sexually only when they can both be flexible about their desires, and how those desires get met.
I mentioned earlier about the
early development of the psycho-sexual side in many of the members of our
community who are “otherwise” healthy, balanced adults. My Own personal
experience with the matters began before kindergarten when I was caught in a
neighbor’s garage with a number of young boys lined up in front of Me. I had
them on their knees and was in the process of teaching them “puppy tricks” (sit,
down, heel, come, stay) … and rewarding them with dog biscuits when an adult
rudely interrupted us. I ended up in psycho therapy for that one, and I was
never sure what the problem was, I mean people told Me as a child come, sit,
stay, quiet, down, time to pee and the rest all the time, all I was doing was
furthering the behaviour.
Another incident when I was younger than 9 … And I was caught with a number of boys, on their parents bed where I was laying naked and spread eagled, playing doctor with the group of boys; directing their every move, and reprimanding them and physically disciplining them if they failed to obey the directions to the letter.
The nature was there, long before anything else occurred, and not only was the nature there, but the definition of Top was also readily apparent. (And for the record I sexually matured, or bled at almost 13)
To elaborate and to speak from
personal conjecture and standpoint; Society says I was abused, and sure people
took advantage of various things, but what else do you expect to happen when we;
as growing developing youth are denied the right and ability to explore this in
a safe and appreciable environment – should we be so inclined. I am not
saying every child is thus able or desiring, but I am saying those who do
develop so early should continue to be lovingly supported in such a way as
to continue the healthy and progressive evolution of the psycho-sexual
personality, as opposed to our current stance of a sudden denial, and rejection
pattern which is imposed upon such a curious youth, and I will go further so as
to propose may be the base cause of much of the issues which become more readily
apparent as these people mature.
We come to you this way, and our “problems” set in only when we realize society has a problem with it, and let Me tell you – I have never ever been "caught" doing anything at all sexual in decades now, I have put on displays, but I do not get caught, ever. I learned, and by 14 I was acutely aware, I put My sexuality away, and I refrained as much as possible, and then when I did “join the sexually active” I was an absolute trollop because this method of “fulfillment” does nothing for Me, but as everyone said it would, I continued with partner after partner in an attempt to find it. You lied to Me, and then you blamed Me for the lie, and that is so not right. That was when I knew psychology and mainstream were either hiding something or completely unaware, and I began to actively investigate for Myself.
I am a dominant, a Top, I am not overly interested in sex, I like sexuality in the realm of willing power exchange.
I was not made this way by anyone other than God.
I am not an abuser, I am not a harm to anyone, not you, not Me, not the slaves, not My family, no one … I can understand though how the exploration of willing power exchange, energy, sexuality, and the resulting balance and peace it brings, might be a path which the mainstream psychologists, governments, and media would rather not that we explored, and so they keep us distracted with the psycho-sexual gratifications, the immediately apparent images, ideals and titillations rather than the depth and breadth of the possibilities available here.
And so it is that we are to deny who we are; So that those who feel discomfort looking at the problems, causes, drives and ambitions, the motivations and empowerments of those among us who society does not understand and would rather deny, are able to continue doing as much.
Society thinks these people are variances within the same group, within our group, and I would put to you that those who are rapists, murderers, and other exceptionally antisocial behaviour groups or mindset are indeed not our brethren, nor indeed any form of mental or emotional kin whatsoever. Indeed they are not only societies enemies, but our personal enemies as we have been unjustly burdened with the weight of their reputations and illness' for far too long as it stands. However as there are currently appreciable similarities in the possible drives, motivations and such groups it remains without the bounds of sociological acceptance to investigate and explore such matters openly.
The first thing for these mainstream people to realize is the most outstanding difference between an abuser and a Top is an abuser is out to forcibly take something from the victim. A dominant would rather give the bottom something than to take it, pleasure, stimulation, peace … pain.
We are not rapists, nor are we asking to be raped.
We are not beaters, nor are we asking to be beaten.
We are not molesters, nor do we desire to be molested.
What we do desire is to be able to safely experience the acceptable limits of our differing sexuality in a loving and supporting manner. This is our path, and we don’t walk alongside those who are incarcerated, or those who should be and are eluding the law.
Ours is a path which will make
stops in the realms of personal, mental, physical, spiritual, and worldly
discovery, discoveries of similarities and differences; Discoveries of sexually
creative genius, discoveries made - Together.
The inclusion of our sexual side into the rest of our personality strikes Me as being as vital as the inner child within us. Just as our inner child has it's set of views and standards for life, tinting all we do, see, hear, or touch with its "child colours." Our sexual side feels that same need express itself throughout the entire of the experience called life, not just one aspect, or at one time.
How we walk, talk, and dress; the art we enjoy; the music we listen to, and how we dance to it. All of these things are a sexual language. Some are body language, some are colour language, some are unspoken language (you exude as distinct of a message in a track suit as you do in stiletto's and a mini skirt, just the message is different). What does your sexual language say? What do you want it to be saying? How do you get from where you are to where you want to be? Some soul searching may be in order to achieve your goals on this one.
Most people will also notice the
more they try to squelch a sexual desire the more it takes over other aspects of
their life, found outside of the "usual" sexual realm.
Like the person who knows that they are submissive and desiring a situation where they might be able to find someone they could serve. The person may speak with their mate if they have one - or may choose not to. Either way, in this case the individual decides to begin the search for their elusive perfect partner. As time goes by the mate (if there is one) becomes less open and inviting to it than ever. And our specimen decides to abandon the search for this person they can't find anyway, and get on with making life with their spouse work.
Soon they find many other hobbies, activities, sports to be doing in an effort to burn some time, meet people or be active; Other things to submit to, and be collared by. The key is that if the spouse decided to become involved, the first party would not be so interested, (usually the chosen activity is unappealing to the counterpart). The other possibility is that in an effort to omit submission in a conventional facet of the subjects' life (where it was easily spotted) and may not have been well received - these other activities became that sought after Dominant to answer to, especially if the subject in question goes from finding the hobby to a committee member or some such alternative in short order. Activities may involve work or play, passive or active, dominance, sadism, discipline, submission, but all that happened was the decision to CONSCIOUSLY remove it from your life. Your subconscious knew that this was an important issue and therefore created a diversionary plan, and so far it's probably working.
This is the psycho - sexual side at it's best. Conveniently disguised behind the activities of everyday life.
I once met a high ranking office
executive who had a deep running foot fetish. Due to spousal negativity
surrounding the issue he was attempting to live his life in denial of this
desire. His subconscious decided that if the need wasn't to be fulfilled in an
outwardly satisfying manner, then it would be met incognito. The man found
himself asking is secretary to climb up and get him this or that file all day
while he found his unfulfilled needs growing - in only being able to admire
those feet and ankles from afar. The more he denied it the more he found himself
noticing ladies feet, and making a definite effort to put them at about nose
The more he tried to speak to his spouse about it the more unreceptive she became to his requests in this area of desire.
He made an honest effort to live without his need. To put it aside, so that desire, that sexual focal point went unheeded until on fulfillment he literally went into convulsions, and his shame and guilt nearly drove him to suicide. This is a rare example, but it is mentioned here so that you might realize the depths and scope to which such things can go. That poor man was sure he could never live life the same again, he was a freak, an aberration, he could not function normally before having experienced his desire, and now seeing what it did to him and knowing how much more he desired it … His concern was he was how was he ever going to manage such a difficulty, without the others around him getting wise, and enduring their abuses. Particularly as there was no one he could speak with about such issues who would simply accept this as a desire, and not a psychological malady and so he would have no friends, no support.
Some of us find that our needs
are very definite. That we are very clear on those needs. We may not recall
how they originated, or where the thought came from. The point is that the
desire is a clearly understood and appreciated filament of a psycho-sexual need.
Some of us find ourselves less clear or defined. It may be because we find ourselves daunted at the number of possible choices, or activities. It may be the current partner or situation. It may be inexperience. Whatever the reason we, ourselves always seem to feel less certain of our intimate needs than others around us.
In one personality the psycho-sexual may be completely developed while in the other the psycho-sexual personality remains experimental, and undeveloped, or even denied legitimacy. The numbers of possible answers to the decided and undecided are countless. The problem and situation however needs to be addressed, not just for us, and not just for society, but for everyone involved and living on the planet.
* - No one is becoming sexually aware younger, just society is finally beginning to accept that 14 year olds do actually have sexual wants, desires, and needs. A hundred years ago when a young girl was married off at the age of 14, no one even began to think of the sexuality of the couple. Now it's front and center of every teenager's life until they get old enough to be able to tell people to mind their own business and hey, yeah, I'm sexually active - SO WHAT!
** - How many people never screw around, ever on their spouse? Let's be realistic here folks - NO ONE has one partner for life. It's the reality of things and keeping up with societal standards, norms and expectations. Stop denying your own truths and allow your personal beauty and confidence to shine through. To hell with those who lie through their teeth and expect you to as well, don't buckle before anyone else and least of all your own self. Be proud of what you have given and shared with others, and what they have given and shared with you. You deserve it, we all do.
I have spent the past number of years away from you all here, or at least not so overly involved in the community as some of you may have known Me to have been in the past, and with a little time and distance some of the things which we had perceived to be as truths and viable possibilities we come to realize are just absurd. I’ve still been around, I’ve just been less than in it to My eyeballs, and I want to speak about a couple of things, so while I am here and working on all of these files I thought I would take the time to delve into and explore a subject which I have been speaking on a lot lately with some of you online.
I’m going to take this from the top and make like we haven’t just read the above file and that we’re in a discussion right now about how society doesn’t understand us as Tops or bottoms, and that we can agree on the fact that the world is a mess, no one gets it, no one wants to, and that’s that.
From here I’d like to remind you that if someone were happy to function in the “world out there” – Our world would not work well for such people. I would like to point out to you that if someone has no problem with the contradictions and skewered mentalities of “the world out there” – The consistency in here will drive them insane. I would like to point out to you that someone who really and truly is vanilla cannot be “polluted” into anything worth keeping, as they are simply not wired the same way we are.
As much as you cannot turn a
queer straight, or a straight queer, neither can you take a vanillaite and make
them a deviant, nor a deviant into a vanilla – This is who and what we are.
Those of you out there, who do think you can do this “pollution,” are wrong, not only are you wrong you are fundamentally unsound. Just because someone likes eggplant doesn’t mean they want to live on it. Just because we live in a world that requires us to all interact in a position of dominance or submission does not mean that they are able to view it in that light, or get their heads around the concept of it as a lifestyle. If you have seen and can accept this, you are one step ahead of mainstream mentality, but do not expect that they will agree, see your point, or otherwise suddenly “come to.” In your fighting and tying to get them to see you will only wind up frustrated, angry, and disinterested so that when a slave who is worthy comes along, you will have no interest and lose out on the true possibilities.
That is another huge
difference between us and “the others,” is that we not only willingly accept
that dominance and submission is an active and daily aspect of our lives, but we
seek and desire to understand the dynamics and workings of these issues that we
might thus better be able to use the principals to our advantage. Those who
have kinks or fetishes but who are not geared to be slave will thus never be
able to be made into a good one, they simply do not understand the dynamic and
are not geared to ever be able to, no matter the fetish interest or the kink
level – going on the basis of our current constructs and collected knowledge.
Which is to say it may be entirely viable, just as of yet no one seems to have
figured out how.
Some of you will say you would rather find someone unexposed and train them fully from the get-go, even introducing them to the lifestyle yourself when and where possible.
The other group of you will say it is better to work with someone who has at least had some degree of understanding and practice in this world.
Right now it is accepted that
both of these options are ok, both are workable and both are valid. YOU’RE ALL
WRONG – You do not take an adult who has no interest in this and coerce them
into it and expect to get a slave out of the deal. You do not take someone who
has a mild kink and wants to explore it, and figure if you force them into
shackles in order to get it, that they’re going to be happy and stick around.
You do not take someone who has no interest and think you can “groom and
manicure” one into existence. There is a word and a name for this mindset, and
it isn’t Dominance.
Conversely those who believe if they’ve been with someone already, then the slave will be definitively ok with it, and yer clear. NO. You do not know that he or she was not just put through the above mayhem, you do not know that this is nature, not nurture.
If you want a real bottom, a
long term dedicated slave who will truly serve you and whose interests’ lie in
this realm, you will have to seek out those who had an interest and desire very
young; Those who have explored their desires on their own, and maintain the
desire and interest. Those who knew they were different sexually than those
around them. Those who are sure this is the desire, just unsure as to how to go
about finding the appropriate and compatible mate, or method of exploration.
A bottom who is manipulated and coerced into this is not emotionally capable of giving you the level of emotional commitment you will need in order to maintain the integrity of the relationship. They aren’t involved for the emotional or mental commitment, but are here for the physical or sexual components of the behaviour. Knowing and understanding this is vital to your approach in the choice of bottoms, as invariably this will also affect your patience, and handling of such people. Finding someone who wants to explore the kink, the fetish and the physical sides of this landscape are all very easy to do, however its also very unfulfilling or unrewarding, and before long as the slaves discover you are losing interest the wallets will open, and in the end you will feel used, tossed, and very much like a whore. Don’t do it. Wait until you find a bottom who is of the ilk and making which you desire and find compatible, do not accept a situation because someone else would. If they would, let them – You have to stick true to your own standards and morals, and not worry about what others have to say or think.
Your pleasure, your fulfillment is not their concern, neither is the fulfillment or happiness of your bottoms something they are likely to worry about in their spare time, but it is a concern of yours. If the bottoms are miserable believe Me when I say they will make life for you a very rocky road. Compatibility of everything from mindset to responsibility levels is vital to consider into this.
If for instance you have a
heck of a time with keeping schedules, making appointments, and dealing with
these sorts of things and so believe you will find an “assistant slave” to
handle such matters. In the beginning all will go well, as suddenly you no
longer appear hare-brained and scattered, but how long will it be before you
feel like the bottom is ordering you around, deciding things for you, being
bossy, demanding and otherwise not being very subservient?
In answer to this if you are actually a dominant you will laugh and say – Ah but then I would simply tell them I need a doctor and auto appointment in the morning, and we have to go and do this in the afternoon, thus taking the control yourself and leaving the actions to them. And I would respond that you … Are a fully developed, healthy and mature psycho-sexual person.
For those of you who went ohhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaah, and thought you would have to get rid of the slave, you need a world more education, a lot of time in learning this, and really need to stop and ask yourself if you are actually: dominant, kinky, a fetishist, disturbed, a sadist, looking for attention, or otherwise what the heck is going on with you, because if you found this through a friend, if you have never been inclined, and if you have no understanding of this at a most base and intrinsic level, you’re not one of us. You’ve been manipulated and coerced into thinking you were/are, probably because it seemed fun and scary at the time, and hey this is the new rebellion, plus as a bonus you can still do it and be straight.
This isn’t a choice. This isn’t a “sickness” – it’s a very under-explored and fully misunderstood aspect of psychology and sexuality which has plagued mankind since the Marquis De Sade (the world’s original sadist and originator of the word sadist – Masochist came from Macher another guy in history, do the legwork kids, I’ll just give ya a taste to get started … ) who died imprisoned and labeled insane in 1812. We are persecuted, chased, and mistreated all the time, and if it was a choice, none of us would have the songs of woe to sing that we do have … Since the world came aware in 1760, and ever since then it’s been open season.
Ever since then and in part because of the ongoing persecution of not only those who practice this lifestyle openly, but these other abusers who unfortunately are grouped with us, and should not be; we have collectively been demonized, and thus gone to ground in any sense of serious or ongoing interest. If we are going to get it sorted out and gain our own acceptance and honour, while getting the help for those in need, and actually stopping the abuse instead of burying it, we need to address this as a group, we need to stop sucking people in who are not interested, and we need to demand the act is done in good faith, and with good intent. We need to understand what it is we are doing so that it will be expected for collars to hold, not be disposable and interchangeable.
We need respect.
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